My mind has been filled with thoughts the past few days. Too many to be able to fit into one entry, and so i take the first one of those thoughts that comes to mind and leave it here for you:

About 1 year ago when I moved here from Hawaii, I was telling a friend how much I despised the cold, and they responded that they loved the cold. I couldn't understand. I explained that I am happy to use underground parking at any departure or destination point during the winter (which I do) and am thrilled if I never notice it at all, to which they replied that they enjoy the cold because it makes them feel alive.

Well I didnt enjoy any cold I was exposed to last winter, and I certainly didnt appreciate the lack of greenery in the city (as a result of the fallen leaves etc), but something happened this week which was quite interesting. I went outside the office building to smoke a cigarette, upon my return into the building, I ran into a coworker who gave me the heads up that there is an indoor smoking area, and I considered this in my mind for a few minutes, and then I (miss "its 79 degrees in here someone turn on the heat and get me a blanket I am frozen") thought to myself, I like the cold, it does make me feel alive - I still havent seen this indoor smoking area, not because I havent found it, but because I have had no need to find it. I simply enjoy the air blowing through my hair and trying to make its way into the openings of my jackets, skirts or slacks - reminding me that yes it is cold, but fresh - and I am alive.

Later this week, I also noted how upsetting work had been, and how emotionally draining other things had been, and I found myself thinking I wish I could just be like one of those people on valium or something and not worry about any of it. Then I caught myself quickly,and as with the cold, I realized that no I would rather feel it.

I would rather experience all the lows, because they make the highs even higher.

I would rather live the hell, because I know that feeling even the worse things of all are better than not feeling anything.

So, I had a sort of realization,and this was that life is full of horrors, unpleasantries, wonders and pure wonderful joy, and I am perfectly happy to enjoy all of it.

Otherwise, what else would there be?

~v.