I went out drinking as expected on Saturday night after the entry, except I didn't drink enough, and just didn't have fun like I had hoped. You hold off on going out for so long, and then when you go its nothing short of a disappointment. Do you ever sit with people and look at them and just wish you were there, but not there with them? Or even worse, you know youwould have fun with them, but you just want to grab them and shake them and scream "have fun dammit". I do,often.

Sunday.

Woke up at 2pm (or maybe it was 3), did nothing all day, sold some items on ebay which proved to be totally unexciting, and eventually went to bed.

Monday - much of the same, except I had to work during the boredom.Ended the night with Forrest Gump...

Finally today, Tuesday: Wishing I could have just stayed in bed and slept all day, wrapped up in the warmth of the covers-only to pretend there is someone with me. But, I did not sleep all day, only wanted to every moment.

Often while I sit around, or walk around I think of things to write here. Things I want to mark down to permanently remember so that when I need them, or you need them they are here,and they make all the difference. But so many thoughts and potential diary entries go through my mind that leaving 2 days out almost certainly results in an overwhelming amount of deep thoughts slipped away in my mind. Jumbled up, waiting to be expressed, but not.

Diaryland is an incredible mosaic of thoughts and hearts and pain and happiness all worked into one spot. Each little server file keeping one persons heart from melting into anothers.

I have much to say, but am somewhat overwhelmed with where to begin, and so the best thing to do is to hold myself back until I am ready to write it out in a way that you will understand.

Certainly sometime after the darkness has fallen and the seagulls begin to sing I will find my muse.

~v.