Some people are far too competitive and self-serving.

Do you ever get the feeling when you are talking to a friend that suddenly everything you say is being countered with something they have, do, or know more/better - very defensively?

I have a good friend who has been doing this a lot lately. I noticed it the first time a few weeks ago, and I was slightly troubled because the situation in question should have just been a simple comment, light conversation but instead it turned into some sort of justifying competition.

The nature of the conversation was only suggestive on her part, and so I didn't really feel like it called for me being agressive or short to end the discussion, but I still coulnt help but feel somewhat insulted and annoyed at this persons consistant push to make me feel badly about something - mainly because she felt she was better than me in some area (which I wont get into) and if I could have what I was getting then it would somehow make her "less" because she couldn't have it.

The reality was that I could in fact have this, because I did. She knew she couldn't so rather than just say wow, cool - she turned it into some sort of drive to force me to believe that I couldn't have it either. It was so weird.

(By the way, unfortunately I don't want to get into what this thing in question was, but I will mention it is an attribute and not something you can buy).

After that day , I was bothered by the fact that the "battle" had even occurred. I really didn't understand what she was talking about, or how it was she could be so rude in her comments. At one point she argued with me about the validity of what I was telling her, when it wasn't even something up for debate, it was simply fact. She had tried to take something away from me, and it just was not nice. Finally, I let it go.

Today I took her to yoga with me. Now, anyone knows, for a start, that when engaging in excercise each person's body may or may not have certain capabilities, flexibilities, weak areas, and strengths. We are all different, what does it matter? We are just there to have a good time. I mean its yoga, not professional gymnastics or something.

Tonight I got a call, in fact I am just off the phone. She called to boast about how she didnt really feel any stretch or pain anywhere because she is in such good shape and she has such good muscle strength that the only place she felt anything at all was her thigh.

I told her that was nice, and thinking I was just having a light conversation, went on to add that the spot that I "stretched" more than anything was just my back.

She pushed me to say my legs hurt too. I told her that my legs were fine, but left it open to the possibility that maybe they may hurt in the morning.

I mean really who cares, right? It didn't mean anything to me, but somehow, probably in the same way that she got all insulting and strange on the last incident, she started on this one.

The conversation went on and on, with her making statements about me that were wrong, then when I told her that wasn't my situation, she would go into examples of how she is stronger.

At one point she explained that she has total muscle strength, and shes not doing yoga for that (again I thought, "who cares..." but she kept going).

So why am I telling you this story? Well, its a bit of a rant (obviously) but it is also because as she was going on trying to find areas to compete with me on, and going out of her way to cite examples of how she was stronger, more fit or better (which I wasnt even concerned with)it occurred to me that she must be really unbalanced somehow.

Shes a good person, kind and caring.

But for some reason she is using this opportunity and others to start some sort of battle, even when I don't participate. You see I don'tfeel I have anything to prove. These things, competition, they don't concern me.

What was really horrible though, was the fact that if I had been vulnerable to insecurities of my own, she would have eaten me alive, destroyed my confidence and made me feel terribly about myself. If I wasnt confident, and aware of myself, her behavior and comments would have completely discouraged me today. Not because they were real issues, but because for her own reasons she needed to make herself feel better by hopefully identifying weak areas in me. As I realized this, I first thought, thank god I haven't left myself open to this, because frankly who needs that?! Secondly, it made me question her designation as my "friend".

Many times over the past years, I have distanced myself from her.

We share nothing in common, I have higher goals, different circles and very different upbringing than her...

What bothers me the most is she constantly verbally tries to put me down (very discretely) she probably doesnt even realize it. Yet, I have always been good to her, and patient, kind and overly supportive.

I care about her, and want her well being, but is that the reason I want to call someone my friend?

So, quick analysis: do I have issues like this with any other friends? Do I want to be in a relationship with someone who I actually have things to complain about like this? The answer to both is no.

So, I decided that despite my emotional side which says, "no you can't just 'cut out' friends", I think the logical answer is:if someone, no matter how good a friend they are *supposed to be*, causes you or in her case even WISHES you lack of success, or projects their problems on you then it is best to recognise it and move on.

I kind of feel that thats not "nice" of me.

There comes a time however that balanced people can't carry others who really don't have best interests at heart. After all, when all the fun times and play are aside, thats what friendship is - isn't it? Caring enough about the other person that you are able to put thier interests above your own, be supportive, and receive the same in return.

I am doing this as of now - I refuse to give my friendship only to be battled down in return.

The title of friend, at this age, is earned.

I guess that sometimes action is the best move.

~v.