I should be in bed. Instead, Ifelt compelled to write against all reason, and responsability about the moment that just passed.

I was about to go to sleep, but I decided to smoke at the window instead. I turned out all the lights and put on my black cloak (no,I am not satanic). I leaned over the edge of the window sill lighting my cigarette, the fire blazing through the night's darkness for only a moment. I heard a light clanging sound down the street and I wondered if it was a dog, I wondered if it was my friend with his dog, and I looked into the shadows of the tree lined street, trying to make out what it was. Through the shadows I saw a white shirt, some jeans...it wasnt my friend, I prepared to watch as the person got into their car to drive away. But instead of driving away they leaned in only for a moment and made their way across the street again. And then I saw it, the blaze of fire like my own lighting the darkness just meters away. I watched with curiosity, wondering if the person kept his cigarettes in his car like I do sometimes, just to make it more inconvenient to smoke...I concluded that he probably forgot them, and would head back home. So I watched to see where he lived. To prove myself right- or wrong. He reached the other side of the road and, to my surprise, sat down on the steps to a set of townhouses, and proceeded to smoke *his* cigarette. Not unlike me. I, just houses away; much higher, much darker but none the less doing the very same thing, at the same time and in the same way.

it was interesting. I then realized that sitting there with nothing to do, muchlike myself, he may begin to look around. As I spotted him, by the cherry of his smoke, he may infact spot me as well. I wondered what he would think, if he hadn't seen me already, when he did. I decided to hide, and watch secretly - I pulled the hood of my cloak over my head, now I was but a cherry in the darkness.

For about 8 minutes we sat there, I am sure he must have seen me. I watched him the whole time. Both of us smoking alone, in silence, in the middle of the night. Had I not been so high up, it would have made sense to say "hello", an interesting encounter. Two people with possibly nothing else in common except for this unlikely common moment. I realized that in the society we live in, even two people sitting alone in the middle of the night would probably not say hello. And maybe it would have been nice to do so.

I think, as humans we hold ourselves back either to follow our dreams, or out of fear. Each action we take altering our futures, our moments.

Ex:I refuse to plant roots because I have a dream elsewhere. However I think, in fact I am willing to bet, that if I allowed myself to plant roots here, it would be okay - because a new dream would form. Yet I place my bets on the success of my dream.

In the same way I do this, I think we as people do it to ourselves all the time. We stop ourselves from having what we want, by taking the actions to *find* what we want. Maybe if we all just stopped thinking and just "were" everything would fall into place much sooner. In the same way, maybe if we let go of fear, everything would change into something different, and maybe even better.

it is late, and i fear I am not expressing myself well enough...so, I will cut this "short" (this has been short?)...

the man, boy, teenager.. the person of mystery who smoked at the same pace as I, at the same time as I, in the dark street alone, also walked into his home at the same time as me.

I can't help but wonder what his story is, but not enough to break the silence... (overcome whatever stops us from communicating with each other, from talking to strangers, from being nice to people "just for the sake of being nice"...)

Not enough to have gone over and just said "hello".

This is where *we* live.

I think *we* should be more. And at the same time, I really just wanted to be alone - Ithink.

~v.